Money & Couples Series: Questions to Get on the Same Page with your Partner
How you and your partner feel when you’re on the same page about money ;)
Through my Money & Marriage program, I help millennial couples start out with a similar financial understanding and feel like they know where each other stands about money as they start their #marriedlife together. Because even though wedding planning can be a crazy and all-consuming time, money is something so worth putting a lot of careful time and effort into because having a holistic financial life plan moving forward can really help form such a strong foundation for the two of you to learn and grow together throughout your marriage.
Here is a sneak peek into the program! (For more on the full program, see here.)
These are some initial questions to get the money conversation started. These questions will hopefully engender more questions; they focus on looking back at how you each grew up and looking forward to how you envision the future for the two of you as a #unit.
Before you start: Note that there’s no room for judgment or conflict here (there’s plenty of discussion and room for that later!) - it’s not about attacking spending or saving choices. For now just go in with the goal of understanding where and how each partner has a different life and money background, and allow you to take a step back to identify your more holistic relationships with money. Everyone has something different to offer, and different strengths and weaknesses, so be kind.
Pro tip: Keep your conversations short. It’s better to take 20 short conversations to work through it.
Pro tip: Keep your conversations short. It’s better to take 20 short conversations to work through it, with small wins coming in each time, than to have just two long conversations that end badly. It’s so much easier for people to keep their cool and be “on” for a serious conversation like this in short bursts.
Now, grab a sip of wine, wink at your partner, and dive in :)
Now, grab a sip of wine, wink at your partner, and dive in :)
Guidelines:
The questions below are broken into sets, each set building on the previous sets. Do feel free to tackle them in whichever order seems best for you. The goal is to discuss at most one set per conversation (and no more! it's ok if you only tackle one or two questions per conversation as well), with each of you answering each question. The goal is to identify any sticking points that you can work through later; it's ok to leave topics unresolved in each conversation.
Set 1
Describe an early money memory.
How was money handled in your households growing up?
Describe your attitude towards money now.
Set 2
What is something you admire about how your partner handles money?
What is your philosophy around spending and saving? Plan far in the future or more spontaneous?
What are some of your big life goals, and how do you anticipate money playing into those?
Set 3
How do you show your commitment to your relationship with your partner? Are there any ways that aren't important in how you show commitment? (similar to the 'love language' concept)
How do you each plan to contribute to your relationship with your partner, now and in the future? Is money a part of that?
What is something you don't understand about the other's relationship with money?
Woohoo! You’ve just worked through a TON of questions and put in a lot of emotional work with each other. I hope you’re enjoying the wine and giving each other high fives right about now.
I’m eager to hear how it went! Now that you’re getting toward the same page with each other about money, you’ll be ready to dive into figuring out so many more pieces of your financial life together, like
How to create a joint spending plan to keep you both on track
How to combine your approaches to spending and saving together
How to adjust your retirement saving strategy
How to account for and optimize your new tax situation
What to know before you combine all your assets together
Come out with a full comprehensive joint financial plan
And so much more
Want to learn more? Sign up for a free intro chat with Sarah here to see if my Money & Marriage program is a good fit!
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